i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
