dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
