when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's always time for handjobs
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
