I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
