How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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