she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
