Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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