Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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