can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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