Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
