I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
