this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
