Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
