i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
