i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
