I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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