i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
