Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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