I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
