But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
