the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
