They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
