i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
