We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
