i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
try to milk me bitch
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