Non-Jews are for practice
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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