Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
