you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
