I wish my penis had an off switch
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
