You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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