You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry my hands just texted you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
