I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
