Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
