i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
