your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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