I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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