Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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