God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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