it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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