Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
