matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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