I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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