Whats the glycemic index on semen?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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