it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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