marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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