I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
