Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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