i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
