Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
