life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
