if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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