Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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