hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
