No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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