the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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