I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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