i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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