3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
